Matrescence: what's happening to you
You are growing a baby, and a mother is being born at the same time. Both take time, and both deserve care.
In your body
- More blood
- Your blood volume rises by close to half to feed the placenta and protect you at birth. It's part of why you may feel warm, flushed or a little lightheaded.
- Softer joints
- A hormone called relaxin loosens your ligaments so your pelvis can open for birth. Hips and lower back may feel wobbly or achy, so move slowly and ask for support.
- A harder-working heart and lungs
- Your heart pumps more blood every minute and you breathe more deeply. Feeling winded on the stairs is normal.
- A brain getting ready
- Your brain begins reshaping itself in ways that help you read and respond to your baby. What people tease as "mom brain" is better understood as your attention specializing, tuning toward your little one.
In your heart and mind
- A new identity
- Anthropologists and psychologists call this transition matrescence, the birth of a mother. Like adolescence, it reshapes your body, your thinking, your relationships and how you see yourself. It doesn't happen in a day.
- Mixed feelings are normal
- Joy and grief, excitement and fear can sit side by side. Missing your old life doesn't mean you love your baby any less.
- Shifting relationships
- Your bond with your partner, your friends and your own mother may all change shape. Notice it with curiosity.
You don't have to carry it alone. If sadness, worry or anxiety weigh on you most days, or you have thoughts that frighten you, tell your midwife or provider. You can also call or text the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline any time, day or night: 1-833-852-6262 (1-833-TLC-MAMA).
Your partner is changing too
Fathers and partners change as well. Their bodies and brains respond to pregnancy and to a new baby, especially when they stay close and hands-on. Some researchers call this patrescence, the birth of a father. It's quieter than what's happening in your body, but it's real, and it grows with every diaper, every bath and every hour of holding.